1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it...
proposed: 30 May 2005
1. There's always a lot to be thankful
for if you take time to look for it. For
example, I am sitting here thinking how
nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
2. The easiest way to find
something lost around the house is to
buy a replacement.
3. You don't
stop laughing because you grow old. You
grow old because you stop laughing.
4. A penny saved is a government
oversight.
5. The older you
get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by then your body and your fat
are really good friends.
6.
When I'm feeling down, I like to
whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog
that barks all the time run to the end
of his chain and gag himself.
7. He who hesitates is probably
right.
8. If you can smile when
things go wrong, you have someone in
mind to blame.
9. The purpose
of a child's middle name is so he can
tell when he's really in trouble.
10. How long a minute is depends on
what side of the bathroom door you're
on.
11. If ignorance is bliss,
why aren't a lot more people happy?
12. Most of us go to our graves with
our music still inside us.
13.
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every
day, how come nothing is free yet?
14. You may be only one person in
the world, but you may also be the world
to one person.
15. Some
mistakes are too much fun to make only
once.
16. Don't cry because
it's over: smile because it happened.
17. We could learn a lot from
crayons: some are sharp, some are
pretty, some are dull, some have weird
names, and all are different colors. But
they all have to learn to live in the
same box.
18. Everything should
be made as simple as possible, but no
simpler.
19. A truly happy
person is one who can enjoy the scenery
on a detour.
20. Happiness
sometimes comes through doors you didn't
even know you left open.
21.
Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
22. I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
23. If not for STRESS, some
days I'd have no energy at all.
24. Whatever hits the fan will not
be evenly distributed.
25.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some
just don't have film.
26. I
know God won't give me more than I can
handle. I just wish He didn't trust me
so much.
27. If you can't be
kind, at least be vague.
28.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
29. We cannot change the direction
of the wind, but we can adjust our
sails.
30. If the shoe fits,
buy it in every color.
31. Have
an awesome day, and know that someone
thought about you today!
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner [...]
previous joke A couple is lying in bed. The man says: I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world. The woman says: I'll miss you.
next joke
Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or charge? I asked, after
folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed
a remote control for a television set in
her purse.
- So, do you always carry your TV
remote? I asked.
- No, she replied, but my husband
refused to come shopping with me, and I
figured this was the most evil thing I
could do to him legally.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 7 May 2010
- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th
wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to
give his friends a brief account of the
benefits of a marriage of such long
duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have
learned from all those wonderful years
with your wife?
Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage is
the best teacher of all. It teaches you
loyalty,
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 21 June 2007
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery.
When I got there, the guy was locking
the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign
says you're open 24 hours." He goes:
"Not in a row!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006
Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once
taking part in a local tournament. As he
was preparing to tee off, the organizer
of the tournament approached him and
pointed to the dark, threatening storm
clouds that were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said, "I trust
you'll see to it that the weather won't
turn bad on us."
Our pastor shook his head. "Sorry," he
replied. "I'm sales, not management!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 29 October 2008
On the first day of school, the teacher
asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my
mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am
Joking.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 19 March 2015
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an
old lady near a park bench sobbing her
eyes out. I stopped and asked her what
was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22 year old husband
at home. He makes love to me every
morning and then gets up and makes me
pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and
freshly ground coffee."
I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said: "He makes me homemade soup for
lunch and my
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 February 2005
All the scientists die and go to heaven.
They decide to play hide-n-seek.
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who
has the den. He is supposed to count up
to 100 and then start searching.
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter
and stands in it right in front of
Einstein. Einstein's counting:
1,2,3..97,98,99,100.
He opens his eyes and finds Newton
standing in
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 September 2005
A mother and a daughter are shopping in
the mall, when the mother eyes an
expensive fur coat.
"This year," she says, "I think that I
will buy my present instead of making
you and Dad shop for me." The daughter
nods in agreement. "And I think this fur
coat would be perfect too."
The daughter protests, "But Mom, some
helpless, poor creature has to suffer so
that you can have this."
"Don't worry,
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 7 February 2008
Gravitation is not responsible for
people falling in love.
I never think of the future. It comes
soon enough.
The only thing that interferes with my
learning is my education.
Education is what remains after one has
forgotten everything he learned in
school.
Two things are infinite: the universe
and human stupidity; and I'm not
sure about the universe.
Wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 12 April 2005
"I just don't understand it", an Irish
footballer complained... "One match I
play very well, and then the next match
I'm terrible".
"Well", said his wife, "why don't you
just play every other match?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 30 April 2008
The man told his doctor that he wasn't
able to do all the things around the
house that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said:
- Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in
plain English what is wrong with me.
- Well, in plain English, the doctor
replied, you're just lazy.
- Okay, said the man. Now give me the
medical term so I can tell my wife.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 June 2011
1. There's always a lot to be
thankful for if you take time to look
for it. For example, I am sitting here
thinking how nice it is that wrinkles
don't hurt.
2. The easiest way to find something
lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
3. You don't stop laughing because
you grow old. You grow old because you
stop laughing.
4. A penny saved is a government
oversight.
5. The
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 30 May 2005
The orthopedic surgeon I work for was
moving to a new office, and his staff
was helping transport many of the items.
I sat the display skeleton in the front
of my car, his bony arm across the back
of my seat. I hadn't considered the
drive across town. At one traffic light,
the stares of the people in the car
beside me became obvious, and I looked
across and explained, "I'm delivering
him to my
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 October 2006