Satan greets Bill Gates: - Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed: 31 Mar 2005

Satan greets Bill Gates:
- Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.
He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.
Without hesitation, Bill says:
- I'll take this option.
- Fine, says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.
Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer:
- That was Bill Gates! cried Lucifer.
- Why did you give him the best place of all!
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
- The bottle has a hole in it!
- What about the PC?
- It's got Windows 95! laughed Satan. And it's missing three keys.
- Which three?
- Control, Alt and Delete.

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said: - If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in [...]
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Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long hair, wearing a white robe, and sandals, holding a staff. President Bush [...]
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George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.

"Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 14 July 2006


A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house,so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004


A soldier stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 10 June 2005


A US Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included 20 Admirals from the US, English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.
At a reception, he found himself standing with a huge group of officers that included personnel from most of the countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks, but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 4 July 2007


An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said:
- Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.

To which the gentleman ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 November 2013


I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 December 2006


The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. "Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"
"I really don't have any," I said.
"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" he tried.
"I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," I parried.
There was a brief silence, and then he ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 2 February 2007


When you have an "I hate My Job" day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 12 September 2006


WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 30 May 2010


A man called 911 and said, "Someone come quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch with her mouth open and a mouse ran down her throat!"

The operator replied, "Calm down, sir. Wave a piece of cheese over her mouth and maybe the mouse will come out. An ambulance is on the way."

When the ambulance arrived, the EMT found the man waving a fish over his wife's mouth.

"What on earth are you ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 August 2008


Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. She returned to Kabul recently and observed that women still walk behind their husbands, but now seem to walk even further back and are happy with the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 September 2004


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find
North America. <br>MARIA: Here it is.
<br>TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who
discovered America? <br>CLASS: Maria.TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 26 November 2008


Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004


Why did the woman cross the Road?

Never mind that - what I would like to know is what she was doing out of the kitchen, in the first place! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 November 2013


"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed; they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance.
In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock!"
Orson Welles ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 16 May 2005