Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said: - I believe myself to be the most...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed: 15 Mar 2005

Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said:
- I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world.
Tom Thumb said:
- I must be the smallest person in the world.
Quasimodo said:
- I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world.

They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.
Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously happy:
- It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world!
Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant:
- I am officially the smallest person in the world!
Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking confused and simply stated:
- Who is Camilla P.....-B....?

Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms? A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
previous joke
Hung Chow calls work and says: - Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I no come work. The boss says: - You know Hung Chow, [...]
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Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play.
- Well, started Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.
- Chopin has always ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 November 2005


A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004


THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK: <br>1. Innovative <br>2.
Preliminary <br>3. Proliferation <br>4.
Cinnamon <br> <br>THINGS THAT ARE VERY
DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: <br>1.
Specificity <br>2. ...THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran substantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 May 2008


WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 30 May 2010


European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 5 April 2006


What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
Answer: It's Christmas, Eve! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 November 2011


People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes.
People who do less work... make less mistakes.
People who do no work... make no mistakes.
People who make no mistakes... gets promoted.
That's why I spend most of my time sending e-mails & playing games at work... I need a promotion. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 10 January 2005


An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over.. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 27 January 2009


A soldier stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 10 June 2005


In an airplane the captain tells the passengers:
- This is your captain speaking. We are losing altitude and we do not have enough fuel to reach land. Therefore, we have to let all the baggage leave the airplane.
The airplane gains altitude again. Half an hour later the airplane begins losing altitude again and the captain is on the loudspeakers once more:
- This is your captain speaking. We ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 31 July 2006


Positive Thinking Poem...

Little birdy in the sky,
You look up and it shits in your eye
You don't mind and you don't cry,
You just thank God that cows don't fly... ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 10 March 2006


The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are:
3. Tele-fax
2. Tele-phone
1. Tell-a-woman
Need it faster? Ask her not to tell anyone! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 24 June 2007


A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession, even to the grocery store, which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 25 September 2008


"Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth: sense of humor."
Anonymous ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 16 May 2005


The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 October 2006