TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his...
proposed by: Claudia on date: 1 May 2009
TEACHER: George Washington not only
chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you
know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the
axe in his hand.
Three kids come down to the kitchen and
sit around the breakfast table. The
mother asks the oldest boy what he would
like to eat.
- I would have some
****** French toast, he says.
The
mother is outraged at his language and
sends him upstairs.
She asks the
middle child what he wants.
- Well,
I guess that leaves more ******* French
toast for me, he says.
She is livid
and sends him away.
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006
Students at a school were asked to write
about the harmful effects of oil on
fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When
my mom opened a tin of sardines last
night, it was full of oil and all the
sardines were dead."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 4 May 2007
About five years ago, the battery in my
beat-up VW Beetle had died because I
left the lights on overnight. I was in a
hurry to get to work on time, so I ran
into the house to get my wife to give me
a hand in starting the car.
I
told her to get into our second car, a
prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and
use it to push my car fast enough to
start it. I pointed out to her that
because the VW
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 18 January 2008
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk
about his dreams.
"Every night," the
man said, "I dream that these three
hideous monsters are sitting on the edge
of my bed, ready to attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel
sure I can cure you of this problem. But
the treatment will cost you somewhere
between twenty-five and thirty thousand
dollars."
"Thirty thousand dollars!"
the man gasped. "Never
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 9 March 2007
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2.
Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4.
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY
DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1.
Specificity
2.
Anti-constitutionalistically
3.
Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran
substantiate
THINGS THAT ARE
DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2.
Nope, no more booze for me!
3.
Sorry, but
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 May 2008
Hung Chow calls work and says:
-
Hey, boss I no come work today, I really
sick. I got headache, stomach ache and
my legs hurt, I no come work.
The
boss says:
- You know Hung Chow, I
really need you today. When I feel like
that I go to my wife and tell her to
sing for me. That makes everything
better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls
again:
- Boss, I do what you say
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 16 March 2005
A cowboy went to an insurance agency to
buy a policy. The agent asked, "Have you
ever had an accident?"
"Nope,"
replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a
bronc kicked in two of my ribs, and a
couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit
me on the ankle."
"Wouldn't you call
those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled
agent.
"Naw," the cowboy replied.
"They did it on purpose!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 15 November 2006
After buying her kids a pet hamster,
after they PROMISED they would take care
of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the
responsibility.
One evening,
exasperated, she asked them, "How many
times do you think that hamster would
have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son
replied quizzically, "Once?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 22 August 2007
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of the
negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a
5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".
In the
first year, "s" will
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 5 April 2006
FINAL EXAM
The student reports
for his university final examination
that consists of yes/no type questions.
He takes his seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for
five minutes and then, in a fit of
inspiration, takes out a coin and starts
tossing it, marking the answer sheet:
Yes, for Heads, and! No, for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done,
whereas the rest of the
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing
problems for a number of years. He went
to the doctor and the doctor was able to
have him fitted for a set of hearing
aids that allowed the gentleman to hear
100%.
The elderly gentleman
went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said:
- Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really
pleased that you can hear again.
To which the gentleman
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 November 2013
- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
At the
banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding
anniversary, Tom was asked to give his
friends a brief account of the benefits
of a marriage of such long duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you
have learned from all those wonderful
years with your wife?
Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage
is the best teacher of all. It teaches
you loyalty,
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 21 June 2007
My girlfriend called me as she was
driving to an appointment. She arrived,
and I could tell from her voice that she
was getting frustrated. Finally she
said:
- I know I had my cell phone
with me. And
now I can't find it!
I replied:
- Aren't you talking
on it!?
There was a solid period of
stunned silence as the reality of the
situation sank in - followed by:
-
You are NOT going to tell
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 1 February 2008
Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work
for a chat.
"I'm sorry dear," said
Bill, "but I'm up to my neck in work
today. I don't have time to chat."
Sally replied, "But I've got some
good news and some bad news for you,
dear."
"OK, darling," said Bill,
"but as I've got no time right now, just
give me the good news."
"OK," agreed
Sally. "Well, the air bag works!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 7 August 2008