An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on...
proposed by: Elena on date: 27 Jan 2009
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert,
moved to Texas.
Bert always wanted a
pair of authentic cowboy boots, so,
seeing some on sale, he bought them and
wore them home.
Walking proudly, he
sauntered into the kitchen and said to
his wife, "Notice anything different
about me?"
Margaret looked him
over.. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert
stormed off into the bathroom, undressed
and walked back into the kitchen
completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little
louder this time, "Notice anything
different NOW?"
Margaret looked up
and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different?
It's hanging down today, it was hanging
down yesterday, it'll be hanging down
again tomorrow!"
Furious, Bert
yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S
HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope", she
replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE
IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without changing her expression,
Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat,
Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb
make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"
"Jennifer, what sound does a
mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and
said, "Uhh. .. it goes. .. 'click!'"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 14 August 2007
Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once
taking part in a local tournament. As he
was preparing to tee off, the organizer
of the tournament approached him and
pointed to the dark, threatening storm
clouds that were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said, "I
trust you'll see to it that the weather
won't turn bad on us."
Our pastor
shook his head. "Sorry," he replied.
"I'm sales, not management!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 29 October 2008
1. Project Manager is a person who
thinks nine women can deliver a baby in
one month.
2. Developer is a person
who thinks it will take 18 months to
deliver a baby.
3. Onsite
Coordinator is one who thinks a single
woman can deliver nine babies in one
month.
4. Client is the one who
doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5. Marketing Manager is a person who
thinks he can deliver a baby even if
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 April 2005
I am passing this on to you because it
definitely worked for me and we all
could use more calm in our lives. By
following the simple advice I heard on a
Dr. Phil show, I have finally found
inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The
way to achieve inner peace is to finish
all the things you've started." So I
looked around my house to see all the
things I started and hadn't
finished, and before
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 30 May 2005
I recall a time when my son was about 18
months old. I had him strapped into a
backpack and was rushing to catch the
bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell
down an entire flight of stairs (13 to
be exact). I was bruised and bleeding
and had torn my jeans ... but my main
concern was, naturally, for my child.
My fears were alleviated,
though, when from behind me I heard a
gleeful giggle followed
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 August 2008
A man called 911 and said, "Someone come
quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch
with her mouth open and a mouse ran down
her throat!"
The operator
replied, "Calm down, sir. Wave a piece
of cheese over her mouth and maybe the
mouse will come out. An ambulance is on
the way."
When the ambulance
arrived, the EMT found the man waving a
fish over his wife's mouth.
"What on earth are you
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 August 2008
Friends of women:
A wife was
not at home for a whole night. So she
tells her husband, the very next
morning, that she stayed at her
girlfriend's apartment over night.
So the husband calls 10 of her best
girlfriends and none of them confirm
that.
Friends of men:
A husband was not at home for a
whole night. So he tells his wife the
very next morning, that he stayed at his
friend's
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 28 September 2004
FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down
to sleep,
I pray for a man,
who's not a creep,
One who's
handsome, smart and strong
One who
loves to listen long,
One who thinks
before he speaks,
One who'll
call, not wait for weeks.
I pray
he's gainfully employed,
When I
spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my
door,
Massages me back and begs to
do
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 23 August 2005
The truth about working in the IT
industry:
1. We work weird
(night) shifts...
2. They pay you to
make the client happy...
3. The
client pays a lot of money, but your
employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling
the client's dreams...
5. Your
friends fall apart and you end up
hanging out with people in the same
profession as you...
6. When you
have to meet the
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 27 November 2006
When the new patient was settled
comfortably on the couch, the
psychiatrist began his therapy session.
"I'm not aware of your problem," the
doctor said. "So perhaps, you should
start at the very beginning."
"Of
course," replied the patient. "In the
beginning, I created the heavens and the
earth..."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 19 July 2007
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE
JOB?
Put about 100 bricks in
some particular order in a closed room
with an open window. Then send 2 or 3
candidates in the room and close the
door. Leave them alone and come back
after 6 hours and then analyses the
situation.
If they are counting
the bricks. Put them in the accounts
department.
If they are
recounting them. Put them in
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 10 March 2006
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S
PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to
understand women.
I'll never
understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip
the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 13 May 2010
A simple friend, when visiting, acts
like a guest.
A real friend opens
your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen
you cry.
A real friend has shoulders
soggy from your tears.
A simple
friend doesn't know your
parents'
first names.
A real
friend has their phone numbers in his
address book.
A simple friend
brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 May 2005
Two cows are conversing in a field. The
first one says to the other, "Have you
heard about this 'mad cow disease' that
is going around?"
The second cow
responds, "Yeah, but I'm not worried
about it; I'm an airplane!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 July 2008