Bancuri in Engleza (English): cele mai citite

bancuri: 31 - 40 din 153


WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 28 Martie 2024, 21:19
Nota 8.7 din 11 voturi


Man: God?
God: Yes!?
Man: Can I ask you something?
God: Yes.
Man: What is for you a million of years?
God: A second.
Man: And a million of dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second! : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 29 Martie 2024, 00:54
Nota 8.7 din 12 voturi


TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 29 Martie 2024, 05:08
Nota 8.6 din 8 voturi


Q: How can you tell an extroverted mathematician?
A: He stares at YOUR shoes while talking to you. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 29 Martie 2024, 00:53
Nota 8.5 din 8 voturi


This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.
- - - - - - - - - - -
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place?
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severancepackage. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target [...] citește tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 29 Martie 2024, 04:49
Nota 8.4 din 9 voturi


European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome [...] citește tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 28 Martie 2024, 15:30
Nota 8.4 din 5 voturi


Hung Chow calls work and says:
- Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I no come work.
The boss says:
- You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like that I go to my wife and tell her to sing for me. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again:
- Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 28 Martie 2024, 22:00
Nota 8.3 din 9 voturi


A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"
"Yes, sir," answered the boy.
"I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"
"My father, sir."
"And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.
"He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I told the truth, everything would be all right." : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 28 Martie 2024, 15:37
Nota 8.3 din 6 voturi


Some lines:

1. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

2. On the other hand, it's better to have fingers than toes.

3. A day without sunshine is like. .. night!

4. How many of you believe in psycho-kenisis? Raise my hand.

5. Everyone has a photographic memory, but some don't have any film.

6. When everything is coming your way. .. you're in the wrong lane. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 28 Martie 2024, 22:34
Nota 8.3 din 7 voturi


A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. So she immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned to a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed even more amused. When, on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this... When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming,' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a [...] citește tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 29 Martie 2024, 05:16
Nota 8.2 din 9 voturi

sus