WORDS A husband read an article to
his wife about how many words women use
a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The
wife replied, 'The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to
men... The husband then turned to
his wife and asked, 'What?' : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 28 Martie 2024, 21:19 Nota 8.7 din 11 voturi
Man: God? God: Yes!? Man: Can I
ask you something? God: Yes.
Man: What is for you a million of
years? God: A second. Man: And
a million of dollars? God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second! : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 29 Martie 2024, 00:54 Nota 8.7 din 12 voturi
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical
formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L
M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking
about? DONALD: Yesterday you said
it's H to O. : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 29 Martie 2024, 05:08 Nota 8.6 din 8 voturi
Q: How can you tell an extroverted
mathematician? A: He stares at YOUR
shoes while talking to you. : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 29 Martie 2024, 00:53 Nota 8.5 din 8 voturi
This is an actual job application that a
75 year old senior citizen submitted to
Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him
because he was so funny. - - - - - -
- - - - - NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy
Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am
looking for the right woman (or at least
one who will cooperate) DESIRED
POSITION: Company's President or Vice
President. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in
the first place? DESIRED SALARY:
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a
Michael Ovitz style severancepackage. If
that's not possible, make an offer and
we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target [...] citește tot
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 29 Martie 2024, 04:49 Nota 8.4 din 9 voturi
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility. As part of the
negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a
5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English". In the
first year, "s" will replace the soft
"c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil
servants jump with joy. The hard
"c" will be dropped in favour of "k".
This should klear up konfusion, and
keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome [...] citește tot
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 28 Martie 2024, 15:30 Nota 8.4 din 5 voturi
Hung Chow calls work and says: -
Hey, boss I no come work today, I really
sick. I got headache, stomach ache and
my legs hurt, I no come work. The
boss says: - You know Hung Chow, I
really need you today. When I feel like
that I go to my wife and tell her to
sing for me. That makes everything
better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls
again: - Boss, I do what you say and
I feel great. I be at work soon. You got
nice house. : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 28 Martie 2024, 22:00 Nota 8.3 din 9 voturi
A boy who was a witness to a crime was
called to testify in court. He was
approached by the defense attorney who
asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say
in court?" "Yes, sir," answered the
boy. "I thought so," said the
attorney. "Who was it?" "My father,
sir." "And what did he tell you?"
the attorney asked accusingly. "He
said that the lawyers would try to get
me all tangled up, but if I told the
truth, everything would be all right." : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 28 Martie 2024, 15:37 Nota 8.3 din 6 voturi
Some lines:
1. I feel like I'm
diagonally parked in a parallel
universe.
2. On the other hand,
it's better to have fingers than toes.
3. A day without sunshine is
like. .. night!
4. How many of
you believe in psycho-kenisis? Raise my
hand.
5. Everyone has a
photographic memory, but some don't have
any film.
6. When everything is
coming your way. .. you're in the wrong
lane. : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 28 Martie 2024, 22:34 Nota 8.3 din 7 voturi
A lady about eight months pregnant got
on a bus. She noticed the man opposite
her was smiling at her. So she
immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned to a
grin, so she moved again. The man seemed
even more amused. When, on the fourth
move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the
man arrested. The case came up in
court. The judge asked the man (about 20
years old) what he had to say for
himself. The man replied, "Well your
Honor, it was like this... When the lady
got on the bus, I couldn't help but
notice her condition. She sat under a
sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins
are coming,' and I grinned. Then she
moved and sat under a [...] citește tot
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 29 Martie 2024, 05:16 Nota 8.2 din 9 voturi