A cat died and went to Heaven. God met
her at the gates and said: - You
have been a good cat all these years.
Anything you want is yours for the
asking. The cat thought for a minute
and then said: - All my life I lived
on a farm and slept on hard wooden
floors. I would like a real fluffy
pillow to sleep on. God said: -
Say no more. Instantly the cat had a
huge fluffy pillow.
A few days
later, six mice were killed in an
accident and they all went to Heaven
together. God met the mice at the gates
with the same offer that He made to the
cat. The mice said: - Well, we
have had to run all of our lives: from
cats, dogs and even people with brooms!
If we [...] citește tot
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 17 Aprilie 2024, 12:10 Nota 8.4 din 7 voturi
Little Logan and his family were having
Thanksgiving dinner at his grandmother's
house. Everyone was seated round the
table as the food was being served. When
little Logan received his plate, he
started eating right away. - Logan,
wait until we say our prayer, his mother
reminded him. - I don't need to, the
little boy replied. - Of course you
do! his mother insisted, We say a prayer
before eating at our house. - That's
at our house, Logan explained, but this
is Grandma's house, and she knows how to
cook! : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 18 Aprilie 2024, 02:55 Nota 8.4 din 8 voturi
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery.
When I got there, the guy was locking
the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign
says you're open 24 hours." He goes:
"Not in a row!" : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 17 Aprilie 2024, 22:18 Nota 8.0 din 6 voturi
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets
pulled over by a Cop. He thinks he is
smarter than the Cop so he decides to
have some fun at the Cop's expense.
Cop says: - License and
registration, please. Lawyer says:
- What for? Cop says: - You
didn't come to a complete stop at the
stop sign. Lawyer says: - I
slowed down, and no one was coming.
Cop says: - Exactly! License and
registration, please. Lawyer says:
- What's the difference? Cop
says: - The difference is the law
says you have to come to a full and
complete stop. License and registration,
please! Lawyer says: - I'll make
you a deal. If you can show me the legal
difference [...] citește tot
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 17 Aprilie 2024, 15:55 Nota 8.0 din 3 voturi
On the first day of school, the teacher
asked a student: - What are your
parents' names? The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and
my mother's name is Smiling. The
teacher said: - Are you kidding?
The student said: - No, Kidding
is my brother. I am Joking. : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 17 Aprilie 2024, 13:34 Nota 7.9 din 12 voturi
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2.
Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4.
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY
DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1.
Specificity 2.
Anti-constitutionalistically 3.
Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Tran
substantiate
THINGS THAT ARE
DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married. 2.
Nope, no more booze for me! 3.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not
hungry. 5. Good evening, officer.
Isn't it lovely out tonight? 6. Oh,
I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing
karaoke. 7. I'm not interested in
fighting you. 8. Thank you, but [...] citește tot
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 17 Aprilie 2024, 20:09 Nota 7.8 din 19 voturi
FEMALE PRAYER Before I lay me down
to sleep, I pray for a man, who's
not a creep, One who's handsome,
smart and strong One who loves to
listen long, One who thinks before
he speaks, One who'll call, not wait
for weeks. I pray he's gainfully
employed, When I spend his cash,
won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair
and opens my door, Massages me back
and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a
man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is
my behind?" I pray that this man
will love me to no end, And always
be my very best friend. Amen : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 18 Aprilie 2024, 03:03 Nota 7.8 din 4 voturi
A woman goes into a department store and
tells the salesman she wants a pair of
pink curtains. He assures her they have
a good selection of pink curtains. He
shows her many kinds and different
fabrics of curtains she finally picks
out a pink floral pattern. The
salesman asks, "What size do you need?"
She says, "15 inch." He
exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they
for?" She says, "It's not for a
room, it's for my computer monitor."
The surprised salesman exclaims,
"Miss, computers do not need curtains."
The woman says, "HEL...Looooooo...
I've got windows.!!" : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 17 Aprilie 2024, 19:34 Nota 7.6 din 5 voturi
Due to increasing products liability
litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the FDA's
suggestion that the following warning
labels be placed immediately on all
varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you are whispering
when you are not. WARNING: The
consumption of alcohol is a major factor
in dancing like a retard. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you
to tell your friends over and over again
that you love them. WARNING: The
consumption of alcohol may cause you to
think you can [...] citește tot
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 18 Aprilie 2024, 00:10 Nota 7.5 din 6 voturi
"I just don't understand it", an Irish
footballer complained... "One match I
play very well, and then the next match
I'm terrible". "Well", said his
wife, "why don't you just play every
other match?" : : deschide bancul
Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English) Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 17 Aprilie 2024, 20:09 Nota 7.4 din 10 voturi