Bancuri in Engleza (English): cele mai citite

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There were these three nuns that were killed in a traffic accident, and immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
As St. Peter was looking over their files, he said, "You ladies have been very good, but before I can let you in, you have to answer a question." So he asks the first nun,
- "What was the name of the first man that God created?"
- "Adam," she replied. The lights started flashing, music started playing, the angels started singing, and then two angels came out and gave the nun her halo and wings, and off she went into the Pearly Gates. Then St.Peter asked the second nun,
- "What was the name of the name of the first woman that God created?"
- "Eve," the nun said. [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 2580 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 21 Februarie 2019, 01:37
Nota 8.4 din 8 voturi


Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says: Your money or your life!
An extremely long silence follows. Your money or your life!, the thug repeats. Finally Benny says: I am thinking! : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 8 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 20 Februarie 2019, 23:30
Nota 7.8 din 8 voturi


Worst Things To Say On A First Date:
- I used to have a real bad bedwetting problem... but the last couple of weeks I've gotten it under control.
- I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden. .. but could I borrow five hundred dollars?
- Go ahead and Super Size - I found spare change in the sofa today.
- Something tells me that you're very special... but with medication I can usually ignore it.
- I don't see my ex-girlfriend that much... thanks to the U.S. Department of Justice.
- Do you want to play doctor? That'll be five hundred dollars.
- Wait till my wife hears about this!
- I had a good time tonight. I'd love to see you again in six to eight [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 8 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 20 Februarie 2019, 23:48
Nota 7.0 din 7 voturi


The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young iraqi play football and is suitably impressed and arranges him to come over to Anfield.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man Utd with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool.

The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

"Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 6 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 20 Februarie 2019, 23:53
Nota 8.9 din 8 voturi


Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'
The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 6 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 21 Februarie 2019, 00:40
Nota 8.7 din 9 voturi


Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long hair, wearing a white robe, and sandals, holding a staff.

President Bush went up to the man and said, "Aren't you Moses?" The man never answered but just kept staring straight ahead. Again the President said, "Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just kept staring ahead, never answering the President. Bush pulled a Secret Service agent aside and pointing to the robed man asked him, "Doesn't that man look like Moses to you?"

The Secret Service agent agreed.

"Well," said the President, "Every time I say his name he just keeps staring straight ahead and [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 6 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 20 Februarie 2019, 23:17
Nota 8.0 din 4 voturi


A US Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included 20 Admirals from the US, English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.
At a reception, he found himself standing with a huge group of officers that included personnel from most of the countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks, but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked:
"Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied:
"Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 6 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 20 Februarie 2019, 23:55
Nota 7.0 din 6 voturi


- Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
- The Lord's Prayer: 66 words.
- Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
- The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
- The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
- The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.

- - - The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words!!! - - - : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 5 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 21 Februarie 2019, 01:15
Nota 9.0 din 13 voturi


A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?" : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 5 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 21 Februarie 2019, 00:52
Nota 8.8 din 12 voturi


Headlines from the year 2029:

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 5 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 20 Februarie 2019, 23:31
Nota 8.5 din 8 voturi

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