Bancuri in Engleza (English): cele mai citite

bancuri: 1 - 10 din 235


Bono is at a U2 concert in Dublin when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then, in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
He says into the microphone, in a deep solemn voice...
"Just for a moment, think outside yourself... Outside this arena... Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A loud Irish voice from near the front pierces the moment...
"Well, ya ****** ****, stop yer ******** clappin', then!" : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 8 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 16 Decembrie 2018, 15:44
Nota 8.9 din 9 voturi


3 Little Pigs - The Untold Story

This is classic - a true story, proving how fascinating is the mind of a six year old. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the
class: " And what do you think the man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said very matter of factly "I think the man would have said: "WHAT [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 8 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 16 Decembrie 2018, 13:37
Nota 8.2 din 10 voturi


Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.

Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 7 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 16 Decembrie 2018, 15:44
Nota 8.8 din 20 voturi


On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 7 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 16 Decembrie 2018, 16:42
Nota 7.8 din 11 voturi


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: This is her husband! : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 6 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 16 Decembrie 2018, 15:48
Nota 8.7 din 6 voturi


Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
- So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked.
- No, she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 6 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 16 Decembrie 2018, 12:17
Nota 8.5 din 10 voturi


I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thankfully, I still have my driver's license. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 6 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 16 Decembrie 2018, 15:46
Nota 8.3 din 6 voturi


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find
North America. <br>MARIA: Here it is.
<br>TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who
discovered America? <br>CLASS: Maria.TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 5 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 16 Decembrie 2018, 13:35
Nota 9.2 din 16 voturi


George B.: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleeza R.: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George B.: Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza R.: Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to know.
Condoleeza R.: That's what I'm telling you.
George B.: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I mean the fellow's name.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The guy in China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The new leader of China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The Chinaman!
Condoleeza R.: Hu is leading China.
George B.: Now whaddya' asking me [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 5 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 16 Decembrie 2018, 15:42
Nota 9.1 din 177 voturi


A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. She told her new husband, "Please be gentle with me, as for me it's the first time."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be."
"Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me."
"Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up."
"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 5 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 16 Decembrie 2018, 16:49
Nota 8.8 din 12 voturi

sus