Bancuri in Engleza (English): cele mai citite

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What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 5 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 15 Octombrie 2018, 20:09
Nota 7.0 din 4 voturi


Two cows are conversing in a field. The first one says to the other, "Have you heard about this 'mad cow disease' that is going around?"
The second cow responds, "Yeah, but I'm not worried about it; I'm an airplane!" : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 4 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 15 Octombrie 2018, 22:03
Nota 8.5 din 13 voturi


On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 4 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 15 Octombrie 2018, 21:52
Nota 7.8 din 10 voturi


THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2.
Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4.
Cinnamon  THINGS THAT ARE VERY
DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1.
Specificity ...THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran substantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 4 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 15 Octombrie 2018, 16:37
Nota 7.8 din 19 voturi


Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.

Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 15 Octombrie 2018, 16:54
Nota 8.8 din 20 voturi


You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.
Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 15 Octombrie 2018, 18:34
Nota 8.7 din 17 voturi


Who's your best friend? Just try this experiment... Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you? : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 15 Octombrie 2018, 17:30
Nota 8.6 din 9 voturi


Statement: Senior Citizens Are Valuable!
We are more valuable than any of the younger generations:
- We have silver in our hair.
- We have gold in our teeth.
- We have stones in our kidneys.
- We have lead in our feet and.
- We are loaded with natural gas : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 15 Octombrie 2018, 14:29
Nota 8.5 din 8 voturi


This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.
- - - - - - - - - - -
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place?
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severancepackage. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 15 Octombrie 2018, 09:44
Nota 8.4 din 9 voturi


The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. "Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"
"I really don't have any," I said.
"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" he tried.
"I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," I parried.
There was a brief silence, and then he asked, "Are you looking for a husband?" : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 15 Octombrie 2018, 13:44
Nota 8.4 din 8 voturi

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