Bancuri in Engleza (English): cele mai citite

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- What is the longest word in the English language?
- It is the word "smiles", because there is a mile between the first letter and the last! : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 5 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 18 August 2018, 12:38
Nota 8.7 din 11 voturi : : Comentarii: 1


A man drinks a shot of whisky every night before bed. After years of this, his wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whisky.
After getting him to the table that has the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says, "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whisky, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "What do you have to say about this experiment?"
He says, "If I drink whisky, I won't get worms!" : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 4 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 18 August 2018, 14:30
Nota 8.7 din 6 voturi


A truck driver had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck broke down.

After waiting by the side of the road for about three hours, he waved another truck down and offered the driver $500 to take the penguins to the state zoo for him.

The next day, the first truck driver arrived in town and saw the second truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file behind him.

The first truck driver jumped out of his truck and said, "What's going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!"

The second truck driver replied, "I did take them to the zoo. And I had [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 4 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 18 August 2018, 05:47
Nota 8.3 din 7 voturi


FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages me back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 4 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 18 August 2018, 02:44
Nota 7.8 din 4 voturi


Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 4 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 17 August 2018, 15:09
Nota 7.0 din 5 voturi : : Comentarii: 1


WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 18 August 2018, 08:23
Nota 8.7 din 11 voturi


The Pentagon announced TODAY the
formation of a new 500-man elite
fighting unit called the United States
Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).
These boys will be dropped off in
Iraq and have been given ...The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).
These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of ELVIS.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 18 August 2018, 10:14
Nota 8.6 din 18 voturi


21st CENTURY LIFELESSNESS...

Our communication - Wireless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our religion - Creedless
Our food - Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our labor - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our Follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Finally, Our Salary - Veryless : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 17 August 2018, 23:34
Nota 8.5 din 4 voturi


Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and spotted the base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 18 August 2018, 05:21
Nota 8.5 din 11 voturi : : Comentarii: 1


TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Citit de 3 ori : : Ultima oara citit: 18 August 2018, 06:28
Nota 8.3 din 8 voturi

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