Bancuri in Engleza (English): cele mai mari note

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A statistician, who refused to fly after reading of the alarmingly high probability that there will be a bomb on any given plane, realized that the probability of there being two bombs on any given flight is very low. Now, whenever he flies, he carries a bomb with him. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 7 Februarie 2006
Nota 8.8 din 14 voturi


Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.
"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the king until he called for silence.
"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half."
"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.
But the other woman said, "Oh, sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."
The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.
"But she [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 17 Octombrie 2006
Nota 8.8 din 9 voturi


News from Heaven: Due to the current
financial crisis facing the world at the
moment, the light at the end of the
tunnel will be switched off to save on
electricity costs, until further
notice.
 ...News from Heaven: Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice.

Sincerely yours,
God : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 21 Noiembrie 2008
Nota 8.8 din 13 voturi


A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed, and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up." : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 2 Mai 2007
Nota 8.8 din 13 voturi


Subject: Geography lesson for the Day


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well-developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and
convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 10 Noiembrie 2004
Nota 8.7 din 19 voturi


- What is the longest word in the English language?
- It is the word "smiles", because there is a mile between the first letter and the last! : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 20 Octombrie 2013
Nota 8.7 din 11 voturi : : Comentarii: 1


One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to
add 'e' at the end of a word...
"I am having such a wonderful time! I wish you were her..." : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 7 Aprilie 2011
Nota 8.7 din 11 voturi


WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 30 Mai 2010
Nota 8.7 din 11 voturi


Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in language that street people can understand.
I can hear it now:
A weatherman in Houston says...
"Wazzup, Mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So grab yo' chirren, yo' Ho, leave yo crib, and head fo' de nearest guv'ment office [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 20 Februarie 2007
Nota 8.7 din 11 voturi


Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

- I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

- Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

- I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 18 Octombrie 2004
Nota 8.7 din 14 voturi

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