Bancuri in Engleza (English): cele mai noi

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A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested: "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your requirements please."
"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing.
Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out.
Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."
The officer listened carefully and replied: "I understand. You need a television." : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 27 August 2007
Nota 8.0 din 5 voturi


After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?" : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 22 August 2007
Nota 8.0 din 7 voturi


A man is walking along a cliff and all of a sudden loses his balance, slips, and falls off. Fortunately, he has the presence of mind to grab on to the edge, and he's hanging there for dear life. He hangs and hangs an finally yells out: "Is there anybody up there who can help me?"
There's no answer.
He keeps calling and calling. "Is there anybody up there who can help me?".
Finally this big bellowing voice calls back.: " This is God. I can help you.
Just let go and TRUST." Next thing you hear: " Is there anybody ELSE up there who can help me?" : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 20 August 2007
Nota 9.3 din 11 voturi


You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9. When you insert a disk, it spits out a pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to pedal it.
7. The manual contains one sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in the neighborhood start howling.
4. You catch a virus from it.
3. The screen frequently freezes and a message comes up: "Ain't it break time, Chester?"
2. While running, it emits deafening calliope music.
1. It cyber-snickers at you. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 20 August 2007
Nota 8.0 din 8 voturi


What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 17 August 2007
Nota 8.3 din 7 voturi


"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"

"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"

"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"

"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and said, "Uhh. .. it goes. .. 'click!'" : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 14 August 2007
Nota 7.0 din 7 voturi


If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, itwill always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 9 August 2007
Nota 9.0 din 12 voturi


Ten Things men know for sure about women.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. Women have breasts. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 9 August 2007
Nota 9.2 din 19 voturi : : Comentarii: 1


A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 8 August 2007
Nota 8.7 din 9 voturi


In order to assure the highest level of
quality work and productivity from
employees it will be our policy to keep
all employees well trained through our
program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY
TRAINING ...In order to assure the highest level of quality work and productivity from employees it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T) : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 19 Iulie 2007
Nota 9.3 din 13 voturi

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