Bancuri in Engleza (English): cele mai noi

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My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said:
- I know I had my cell phone with me. And
now I can't find it!
I replied:
- Aren't you talking on it!?
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by:
- You are NOT going to tell anybody about this! : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 1 Februarie 2008
Nota 7.8 din 9 voturi


A school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 27 Ianuarie 2008
Nota 8.1 din 12 voturi


About five years ago, the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time, so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand in starting the car.

I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30 MPH for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her car, and drove off.

I sat there fuming, wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by, and when I saw her in the rear view mirror coming at me at about 40 MPH, I [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 18 Ianuarie 2008
Nota 8.4 din 10 voturi


Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and spotted the base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 10 Decembrie 2007
Nota 8.5 din 11 voturi : : Comentarii: 1


A truck driver had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck broke down.

After waiting by the side of the road for about three hours, he waved another truck down and offered the driver $500 to take the penguins to the state zoo for him.

The next day, the first truck driver arrived in town and saw the second truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file behind him.

The first truck driver jumped out of his truck and said, "What's going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!"

The second truck driver replied, "I did take them to the zoo. And I had [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 3 Decembrie 2007
Nota 8.3 din 7 voturi


News from Apple

Apple Computers announced today that is has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Thank to Apple, everyone is now happy. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 28 Noiembrie 2007
Nota 8.8 din 11 voturi


Depression in the age of global outsourcing: I was feeling depressed the other day, so I called LifeLine. They had recently outsourced, so I was put through to their new Call Center in Pakistan.
I explained that I was feeling suicidal. They were very excited to hear this and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an airplane.... : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 12 Noiembrie 2007
Nota 8.7 din 9 voturi


My grandmother is a computer geek. She also has trouble remembering quickly sometimes. One day she couldn't think of what she wanted to tell us.
Mom explained, "Your grandma is trying to retrieve the information, but it is taking awhile. Evidently she hasn't defragmented her hard drive lately." : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 8 Octombrie 2007
Nota 6.9 din 8 voturi


Round like a shotRound like a shot : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 2 Octombrie 2007
Nota 8.3 din 6 voturi


Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said:
- Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night, as the princess dined [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 12 Septembrie 2007
Nota 8.3 din 7 voturi

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