You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has
the words "Etch A Sketch" on it. 9.
When you insert a disk, it spits out a
pack of cigarettes. 8. You have to
pedal it. 7. The manual contains one
sentence: "Good luck!" 6. The only
chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in
the neighborhood start howling. 4.
You catch a virus from it. 3. The
screen frequently freezes and a message
comes up: "Ain't it break time,
Chester?" 2. While running, it emits
deafening calliope music. 1. It
cyber-snickers at you. : : deschide bancul
If you love something, set it free. If
it comes back, itwill always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never
yours to begin with. But, if it just
sits in your living room, messes up your
stuff, eats your food, uses your
telephone, takes your money, and doesn't
appear to realize that you had set it
free... You either married it or gave
birth to it : : deschide bancul
A couple had only been married for two
weeks and the husband, although very
much in love, couldn't wait to go out on
the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back." "Where
are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the
wife. "I'm going to the bar, Pretty
Face," he answered. I'm going to have a
beer." The wife said, "You want a
beer, my love?" She opened the door to
the refrigerator and showed him 25
different kinds of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Holland,
Japan, India, etc. The husband
didn't know what to do, and the only
thing that he could think of saying was,
"Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... [...] citeste tot
When the new patient was settled
comfortably on the couch, the
psychiatrist began his therapy session.
"I'm not aware of your problem," the
doctor said. "So perhaps, you should
start at the very beginning." "Of
course," replied the patient. "In the
beginning, I created the heavens and the
earth..." : : deschide bancul
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
up!" From under the covers came
mumbles, "I don't want to go!" "What
do you mean?" she said. "That's silly!
Now get up and get dressed and go to
church!" "No!" he shot back. "I'll
give you two reasons. I don't like them
and they don't like me!" "Nonsense,"
she told him. "I'll give YOU two reasons
to go. First, you are 42 years old, and
second, you are the PASTOR!" : : deschide bancul
On some air bases, the Air Force is on
one side of the field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the
field, with the control tower in the
middle. One day the tower received a
call from an aircraft asking, "What time
is it?" The tower responded, "Who is
calling?" The aircraft replied,
"What difference does it make?" The
tower replied, "It makes a lot of
difference. If it is an American
Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it
is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand
is on the 12 and the little hand is on
the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft,
it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes
to 'Happy [...] citeste tot
A lady about eight months pregnant got
on a bus. She noticed the man opposite
her was smiling at her. So she
immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned to a
grin, so she moved again. The man seemed
even more amused. When, on the fourth
move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the
man arrested. The case came up in
court. The judge asked the man (about 20
years old) what he had to say for
himself. The man replied, "Well your
Honor, it was like this... When the lady
got on the bus, I couldn't help but
notice her condition. She sat under a
sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins
are coming,' and I grinned. Then she
moved and sat under a [...] citeste tot
- 25th Wedding Anniversary - At the
banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding
anniversary, Tom was asked to give his
friends a brief account of the benefits
of a marriage of such long duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you
have learned from all those wonderful
years with your wife? Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage
is the best teacher of all. It teaches
you loyalty, forbearance, meekness,
self-restraint, forgiveness and a great
many other qualities you wouldn't have
needed if you'd stayed single. : : deschide bancul
At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the
lead singer) asks the audience for some
quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his
hands. Holding the audience in total
silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about
something. Every time I clap my hands, a
child in Africa dies." A voice from
the front of the audience yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya
********!" : : deschide bancul