Amazingly simple home remedies: 1.
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to
hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females
about lifting the toilet seat by using
the sink. 3. For high blood pressure
sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed
for a few minutes, thus reducing the
pressure on your veins. Remember to use
a timer. 4. A mouse trap placed on
top of your alarm clock will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to
sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a
large dose of laxatives; you'll be
afraid to cough. 6. If you can't fix
it with a hammer, you've got an
electrical [...] citeste tot
Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once
taking part in a local tournament. As he
was preparing to tee off, the organizer
of the tournament approached him and
pointed to the dark, threatening storm
clouds that were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said, "I
trust you'll see to it that the weather
won't turn bad on us." Our pastor
shook his head. "Sorry," he replied.
"I'm sales, not management!" : : deschide bancul
Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a
Donkey from a farmer for $100. The
farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the
The next day he drove
up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some
bad News, the donkey died.' Chuck
replied, 'Well, then just give me my
money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't
do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just
bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer
asked, 'What ya gonna do with him? Chuck
said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said You can't raffle off a
dead donkey!' Chuck said, 'Sure I can
Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's
A month later, the
farmer met up with Chuck and [...] citeste tot
A husband, the owner of a new car, was
somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to
drive his prize possession, even to the
grocery store, which was a few blocks
from the house. After she insisted,
he finally relented, cautioning her as
she departed, "Remember, if you have an
accident, the newspaper will print your
age." : : deschide bancul
Two guys walk into a bar, separately,
and have a seat at the bar.
guy notices the other has a black eye,
just like him.
buddy, how’d you get your
was at the train station, and the ticket
girl was veeery hot. And instead of two
tickets to Pittsburg, I slipped and said
‘two PICKets to TITTsburg’
and she hit me square in the face. How
about you? How’d you get
similar actually! I was just having
dinner with my wife, and what I MEANT to
say was, ‘Honey, can you please
pass the salt?’ But I slipped up
and said “You, you, you ruined [...] citeste tot
A baby polar bear comes up to his mother
and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?"
"Why, yes, son, of course you are a
polar bear," she replies, sending him
out to play.
later, he returns. "Momma, are you
absolutely sure I am a polar bear?"
"Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go
later, he returns asking, "Momma, you're
sure I'm 100% polar bear?" "Yes,
son, 100% polar bear. I'm 100% polar
bear, your father is 100% polar bear,
and all of your grandparents are 100%
polar bear," she responded proudly. "Now
go out and play."
minutes later he returns again. "Momma,
you are absolutely sure that I am a
polar bear? No [...] citeste tot
I recall a time when my son was about 18
months old. I had him strapped into a
backpack and was rushing to catch the
bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell
down an entire flight of stairs (13 to
be exact). I was bruised and bleeding
and had torn my jeans ... but my main
concern was, naturally, for my child.
My fears were alleviated,
though, when from behind me I heard a
gleeful giggle followed by, "Again!" : : deschide bancul