Bancuri in Engleza (English): cele mai noi

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When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire
from public life, the British ambassador
and his wife threw a gala dinner party
in his honor. At the dinner table, the
Ambassador’s wife was talking ...When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle:
- Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?
- A penis, replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next. Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said:
- Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 6 Martie 2009
Nota 8.4 din 11 voturi


This year, taxpayers will receive an
Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a
very exciting new program that I will
explain using the Q and A format:
 'Q. What is an Economic
Stimulus Payment? 'A. It is ...This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A
format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. No, they are borrowing it from China. Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 28 Ianuarie 2009
Nota 8.3 din 7 voturi


An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over.. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 27 Ianuarie 2009
Nota 8.3 din 13 voturi


A newlywed farmer and his wife were
visited by her mother, who immediately
demanded an inspection of the place.
While they were walking through the
barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared
up and ...A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head "no" and mumble a reply.

Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 19 Decembrie 2008
Nota 8.2 din 13 voturi


TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 26 Noiembrie 2008
Nota 6.5 din 14 voturi


TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 26 Noiembrie 2008
Nota 8.2 din 9 voturi


TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 26 Noiembrie 2008
Nota 8.6 din 8 voturi


TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 26 Noiembrie 2008
Nota 8.3 din 8 voturi


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find
North America. <br>MARIA: Here it is.
<br>TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who
discovered America? <br>CLASS: Maria.TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 26 Noiembrie 2008
Nota 9.2 din 16 voturi


News from Heaven: Due to the current
financial crisis facing the world at the
moment, the light at the end of the
tunnel will be switched off to save on
electricity costs, until further
notice.
 ...News from Heaven: Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice.

Sincerely yours,
God : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 21 Noiembrie 2008
Nota 8.8 din 13 voturi

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