Bancuri in Engleza (English): cele mai noi

bancuri: 21 - 30 din 188


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 30 Mai 2010
Nota 7.8 din 4 voturi


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 13 Mai 2010
Nota 9.2 din 16 voturi


Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
- So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked.
- No, she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 7 Mai 2010
Nota 8.5 din 10 voturi


Success is just like being pregnant.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you tried! : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 24 Iulie 2009
Nota 9.3 din 22 voturi : : Comentarii: 1


TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 1 Mai 2009
Nota 8.8 din 17 voturi


TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 1 Mai 2009
Nota 8.2 din 12 voturi


Dr. Marc Faber, investment guru, concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the following comments:
"The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to India. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car, it will go to Germany. If we purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on beer, since this is the only product still produced in the US.
[...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 3 Aprilie 2009
Nota 8.5 din 12 voturi


When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire
from public life, the British ambassador
and his wife threw a gala dinner party
in his honor. At the dinner table, the
Ambassador’s wife was talking ...When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle:
- Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?
- A penis, replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next. Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said:
- Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 6 Martie 2009
Nota 8.4 din 11 voturi


This year, taxpayers will receive an
Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a
very exciting new program that I will
explain using the Q and A format:
 'Q. What is an Economic
Stimulus Payment? 'A. It is ...This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A
format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. No, they are borrowing it from China. Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 28 Ianuarie 2009
Nota 8.3 din 7 voturi


An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over.. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again [...] citeste tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 27 Ianuarie 2009
Nota 8.3 din 13 voturi

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