Bancuri in Engleza (English): last read today

jokes: 21 - 30 of 146


TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog. : : deschide bancul

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 March 2024, 09:51
Score 6.5 of 14 votes


A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.

He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of
whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey
curled up and died.

"All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have
worms." : : deschide bancul

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 March 2024, 09:51
Score 8.5 of 19 votes


A woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many kinds and different fabrics of curtains she finally picks out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they for?"
She says, "It's not for a room, it's for my computer monitor."
The surprised salesman exclaims, "Miss, computers do not need curtains."
The woman says, "HEL...Looooooo... I've got windows.!!" : : deschide bancul

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 March 2024, 09:50
Score 7.6 of 5 votes


When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire
from public life, the British ambassador
and his wife threw a gala dinner party
in his honor. At the dinner table, the
Ambassador’s wife was talking ...When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle:
- Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?
- A penis, replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next. Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said:
- Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce [...] read all

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 March 2024, 09:50
Score 8.4 of 11 votes


A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he is allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That is not surprising," the elders say. "You have done nothing but complain since you got here." : : deschide bancul

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 March 2024, 09:49
Score 8.0 of 6 votes


A soldier stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky..............

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from [...] read all

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 March 2024, 09:44
Score 8.9 of 21 votes


I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who [...] read all

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 March 2024, 09:44
Score 8.1 of 20 votes


A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said:
- You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.
The cat thought for a minute and then said:
- All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.
God said:
- Say no more.
Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.
The mice said:
- Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs and even people with brooms! If we [...] read all

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 March 2024, 09:43
Score 8.4 of 7 votes


A clergyman, walking down a country lane, saw a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
- You look tired, my son, said the cleric. Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand.
- No thanks, said the young man. My father wouldn't approve.
- Don't be silly, the minister said. Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.
Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience just a little, the clergyman said:
- Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!
- Well, replied the young farmer, you can tell him whatever [...] read all

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 March 2024, 09:43
Score 8.0 of 7 votes


The truth about working in the IT industry:

1. We work weird (night) shifts...
2. They pay you to make the client happy...
3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams...
5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you...
6. When you have to meet the client you always have to be perfectly groomed...
7. But when you go back home it seems like you are coming back from hell...
8. The client always wants to pay less but expects incredible things from you...
9. When people ask you about your job, you have [...] read all

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 March 2024, 09:42
Score 8.3 of 8 votes

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