TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My
Dog' is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE:
No, sir. It's the same dog. : : deschide bancul
A father was trying to teach his young
son the evils of alcohol.
He
put one worm in a glass of water and
another worm in a glass of whiskey.
The worm in the water lived, while the
one in the whiskey curled up and
died.
"All right, son," asked
the father, "what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if
you drink alcohol, you will not have
worms." : : deschide bancul
A woman goes into a department store and
tells the salesman she wants a pair of
pink curtains. He assures her they have
a good selection of pink curtains. He
shows her many kinds and different
fabrics of curtains she finally picks
out a pink floral pattern. The
salesman asks, "What size do you need?"
She says, "15 inch." He
exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they
for?" She says, "It's not for a
room, it's for my computer monitor."
The surprised salesman exclaims,
"Miss, computers do not need curtains."
The woman says, "HEL...Looooooo...
I've got windows.!!" : : deschide bancul
When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire
from public life, the British ambassador
and his wife threw a gala dinner party
in his honor. At the dinner table, the
Ambassador’s wife was talking with
Madame deGaulle: - Your husband has
been such a prominent public figure,
such a presence on the French and
international scene for so many years!
How quiet retirement will seem in
comparison. What are you most looking
forward to in these retirement years?
- A penis, replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table.
Everyone heard her answer... and no one
knew what to say next. Le Grand Charles
leaned over to his wife and said: -
Ma cherie, I believe ze English
pronounce [...] read all
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow
of silence: he is allowed to say two
words every seven years. After the
first seven years, the elders bring him
in and ask for his two words. "Cold
floors," he says. They nod and send him
away. Seven more years pass. They
bring him back in and ask for his two
words. He clears his throats and says,
"Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring
him in for his two words. "I quit," he
says. "That is not surprising," the
elders say. "You have done nothing but
complain since you got here." : : deschide bancul
A soldier stationed in Iraq recently
received a "Dear John" letter from his
girlfriend back home. It read as
follows:
Dear Ricky, I can
no longer continue our relationship. The
distance between us is just too great. I
must admit that I have cheated on you
twice, since you've been gone, and it's
not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that
I sent to you. Love,
Becky..............
The
soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his
fellow soldiers for any snapshots they
could spare of their girlfriends,
sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition
to the picture of Becky, Ricky included
all the other pictures of the pretty
gals he had collected from [...] read all
I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much
email from me lately. It's because I'm
tired. For a couple years I've been
blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of
vitamins, dieting and a dozen other
maladies. But now I found out the real
reason. I'm tired because I'm
overworked. The population of this
country is 237 million. 104 million are
retired. That leaves 133 million to do
the work. There are 85 million in
school, which leave 48 million to do the
work. Of this there are 29 million
employed by the federal government. This
leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed
Forces, which leaves 15 million to do
the work. Take from the total the
14,800,000 people who [...] read all
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met
her at the gates and said: - You
have been a good cat all these years.
Anything you want is yours for the
asking. The cat thought for a minute
and then said: - All my life I lived
on a farm and slept on hard wooden
floors. I would like a real fluffy
pillow to sleep on. God said: -
Say no more. Instantly the cat had a
huge fluffy pillow.
A few days
later, six mice were killed in an
accident and they all went to Heaven
together. God met the mice at the gates
with the same offer that He made to the
cat. The mice said: - Well, we
have had to run all of our lives: from
cats, dogs and even people with brooms!
If we [...] read all
A clergyman, walking down a country
lane, saw a young farmer struggling to
load hay back onto a cart after it had
fallen off. - You look tired, my
son, said the cleric. Why don't you rest
a moment, and I'll give you a hand.
- No thanks, said the young man. My
father wouldn't approve. - Don't be
silly, the minister said. Everyone is
entitled to a break. Come and have a
drink of water. Again the young man
protested that his father would be
upset. Losing his patience just a
little, the clergyman said: - Your
father must be a real slave driver. Tell
me where I can find him and I'll give
him a piece of my mind! - Well,
replied the young farmer, you can tell
him whatever [...] read all
1. We work weird
(night) shifts... 2. They pay you to
make the client happy... 3. The
client pays a lot of money, but your
employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling
the client's dreams... 5. Your
friends fall apart and you end up
hanging out with people in the same
profession as you... 6. When you
have to meet the client you always have
to be perfectly groomed... 7. But
when you go back home it seems like you
are coming back from hell... 8. The
client always wants to pay less but
expects incredible things from you...
9. When people ask you about your
job, you have [...] read all