Bancuri in Engleza (English): last read today

jokes: 1 - 10 of 117


Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.
- Can I talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm sorry, the caller said. That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something? : : deschide bancul

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 November 2021, 14:00
Score 7.8 of 10 votes


- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?
Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single. : : deschide bancul

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 November 2021, 13:58
Score 7.0 of 5 votes


Hung Chow calls work and says:
- Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I no come work.
The boss says:
- You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like that I go to my wife and tell her to sing for me. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again:
- Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house. : : deschide bancul

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 November 2021, 13:56
Score 8.1 of 8 votes


Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.
"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the king until he called for silence.
"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half."
"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.
But the other woman said, "Oh, sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."
The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.
"But she [...] read all

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 November 2021, 13:38
Score 8.8 of 9 votes


The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" : : deschide bancul

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 November 2021, 12:18
Score 7.0 of 1 votes


You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.
Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved [...] read all

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 November 2021, 11:51
Score 8.7 of 17 votes


Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." : : deschide bancul

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 November 2021, 11:44
Score 7.3 of 9 votes


I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who [...] read all

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 November 2021, 11:43
Score 8.1 of 20 votes


A woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many kinds and different fabrics of curtains she finally picks out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they for?"
She says, "It's not for a room, it's for my computer monitor."
The surprised salesman exclaims, "Miss, computers do not need curtains."
The woman says, "HEL...Looooooo... I've got windows.!!" : : deschide bancul

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 November 2021, 11:43
Score 7.6 of 5 votes


An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said:
- Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.

To which the gentleman said:
- Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already! : : deschide bancul

Category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Last time read: 28 November 2021, 11:37
Score 8.3 of 6 votes

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